One of the first things he said to the therapist, was that if he didn't have a 'map' of the future for a marriage that HE wanted, then he would be divorcing me. WOW 
.
So we went over all the bullshit about strip clubs and who is allowed where, and of course he 'won' or if I had not agreed to his terms, he would have been filing for divorce right now.
Although, let me say this - as our pre-nup says that he has to pay me $50K if he divorces me within the first 5 years, I find it really hard to believe that he would be willing to pay that, just to be out of a marriage where he was getting laid plenty, but he was whining coz he wasn't fucking OTHER people. So...
- he'd shoot himself in the foot,
- pay me $50,000
- and be without a partner and someone to have sex with at home,
- and he wouldn't be able to swing either, as you have to have a partner to do that, so he wouldn't be getting any sex at all !
Doesn't make sense to me that he'd want to do that. Maybe i'll bring it up sometime, as I'm really curious about that.
Also, a few days ago, he said that whatever happens, he will still see my thru getting my green card, well that CAN"T happen if he divorces me right now, so was he lying? 
So anyway, it turns out, pretty much, that because HE wasn't swinging (which is actually untrue coz we did when we were ski-ing in california, with a male friend of ours, so that is a lie), he thought that Zander would be benefitting from seeing me with other girls (friends, not the strippers) and petting on them at this strip club party, and that he felt left out.
He made this big deal about not getting what he wanted from the marriage and that he wanted a divorce if he wasn't going to get what he wants. I told him that I'd agreed to meet people to swing with, AS LONG AS I was attracted to them, and that I wasn't going to be sexual with people I didn't find attractive. I said did he have a time limit on that because it wasn't MY fault that HE didn't have the time to sit down and write to people and connect with them to meet up !
So basically here was the problem - he wants to fuck other people (with me there, joining in) or he wants a divorce, otherwise he feels used as he is providing for me, looking after me when I'm sick and apparently he is getting nothing in return.
Well the psych laid into him somewhat for using the 'divorce' word, she said it should never be used until it was actually underway, and NOT when he was just making threats with it.
In the meantime in the session, I had told him that I was very upset that he'd mention divorce before we'd even seen a therapist, and that if he was trying to use it as a threat, then I wasn't threatened by t, but also could not live with it if he keeps saying that one day, and being all lovey the next as it was making me ill.
It ended up that he still said he felt very raw about the whole situation and that while he'd not made his mind up (even though i'd already agreed months ago that we'd be more diligent about contacting people to swing with !) he would think about things.
Before next monday, we are supposed to compile a list of 'allowed behaviours' outside of the company of each other.
I guess we still have to deal with trust issues, and I'm dying to know how I'm supposed to trust him, when he is trying to force me to sign a post-nuptual agreement, in a big hurry, like before the end of January ie. before my immigration interview.
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